« Retreats and Advances | OK, back to home | Panic Attack »

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Tough Love

Sometimes I’m ashamed for those who don’t have enough sense to be ashamed of themselves. Usually it’s because I used to be just like them.

Lately I’ve felt ashamed of those who call themselves Christians. Particularly, those who make it their mission to make people like me (read: gay) feel less worthy, less human, sinful, immoral, sick, mentally deficient or defective. Recent conferences like Love Won Out, comments by people like Jimmy Swaggart, and news stories like in this week’s Washington Post, have caused this topic to weigh heavily on my mind.

Not that it hasn’t for the past few years. I’ve gone from being one of “them” to wondering what I can do to effectively counter their viewpoints. It’s deeply frustrating to me, because I don’t know what can be done. Or at least what can be done by me. The intolerance, the hypocrisy and the damage fundamentalist, Bible-thumping Christians inflict on young, insecure people is shameful. That shame is compounded by my own personal shame caused by my involvement in those religious organizations.

Then again, coming through those experiences has made me more secure than I ever would have been. It’s put me in a unique place to understand the viewpoints of others, but to remain strong in my own thoughts and sense of self. Now… What to do? This isn’t like convincing someone to try a new kind of gum. It’s an issue that’s embedded in the deepest core of our society, and in the hearts of people. Arguments are futile. I don’t believe violence or shocking, vulgar protests are effective. Rather, they enforce opinions of gay people as vulgar, immoral people.

I want peaceful, effective action. … Non-violent protests that exhibit the true meanings of love and peace and tolerance. But at the same time, I want to organize and participate in movements that stand their ground and on some level are intolerant – intolerant of those who hate or make life miserable for gay people.

Lately I’ve been looking into SoulForce. I think I’ll explore getting involved in that organization. While it’s focused on religious tolerance, which is obviously very close to my heart, I want to do more. What about kids in high school, abused and tormented by their peers? High school is pure torture for anyone, but for the gay kid, it’s worse than hell. It shouldn’t be like that.

These issues are personal for me. I lose sleep over them. Two years later, I’m still angry about a conversation with a close friend of mine when I told him I was gay. He had seen me struggle through almost two years of ex-gay ministries and wade through a failed relationship with a girl, and break up with a boy I cared deeply about because our pastors asked us to. When I told him I had finally accepted I was gay, he said we couldn’t be friends anymore, citing “tough love.” We haven’t talked since, and I still cannot find the words to express my shock and anger over that. I had to give up many, many friendships to be gay. It was more than worth it.

It’s time to focus that anger and experience and conviction and turn it into action. I just have to figure out what to do that will be most effective.

Posted by Aaron on September 28, 2004 10:42 PM