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Monday, June 20, 2005

Afraid of the Dark

Somewhere in the past year or two, I’ve become convinced that the boogeyman is coming to get me. I think it started two summers ago when two men tried to mug me in Chicago (I told them no and offered my pizza instead), and continued after stories from various friends who have been beaten, mugged or robbed. The icing on the cake (so far) was when my car was broken into a couple of months ago.

I’m not quite ready to move into the suburbs and hide behind a barbed wire fence while stockpiling food and cherry bombs in my underground bunker, but I am a little more wary of things. Probably too wary.

Last week my friend Aaron and I went to the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden as sunlight faded and darkness fell, casting weird shadows from unfamiliar sculptures.

“We’re so going to get mugged,” I told Aaron as I locked my cell phone and wallet in the glove compartment of his car. And I was serious. I really thought we were going to be killed, raped or at the very least shanked with a rusty kitchen knife.

“This is Minneapolis, that doesn’t happen here,” Aaron said.

“What are you talking about??? It does, too! My friend was mugged at gun point outside the Gay ’90s, another friend was beaten on Hennepin Avenue after someone called him a fag and he mouthed back, another friend has had his car broken into twice, another friend was mugged while riding his bike, another friend has had a total of six bikes stolen out of his back yard, another friend just last weekend was mugged after leaving JetSet….”

“OK OK, STOP! We’re not going to get mugged tonight.”

“Alright, I guess we’ll find out,” I replied, secretly hoping we would in fact get mugged (but not shanked) just so I could be right.

However, even after an hour of touring the gardens, no one even said hello, much less, “Give me your wallet and no one gets hurt.”

Damn.

Last night, avoiding an un-air-conditioned apartment, I decided to go for a walk at about 8:30. I headed, like usual, to the rose gardens and bird sanctuary near my apartment. At about 8:45, I walked past the bug-eyed men waiting for a hookup who stand guard near the entrance to the woods and stepped onto the fake-wood planks.

It’s really a beautiful trail, all long grasses and then tall trees, smelling like rich and humid earth.

However, at 8:45, it’s also quite dark under those trees. Strange noises come from hidden places. Strange men walk around (or so I imagined). And I forgot to leave my cell phone and wallet at home, leaving telltale bulges in my shorts, easy targets for even an amateur criminal.

As I walked down the long trail, I cast glances behind me to make sure no one had emerged from the trees. I looked ahead to see what was coming. I searched for the source of every breaking twig and rustling leaf.

Just as I was about ready to kick off my flip flops and run for sunlight and safety, I heard a loud snort just to my left. I stopped in my tracks and looked.

And there he was 15 yards away, a young, tawny-colored buck, his antlers no more than velvet-covered nubs. We looked at each other with fear. He stared with wide brown eyes and perked ears. I stared with wide green eyes and sun-burned ears. After a few seconds, he stamped his foot and took a step toward me. I stood in place, fear turned to quietness, willing him to come closer.

After a few more seconds of staring, he stamped his foot again, took another step forward and bent his head to rummage for food.

For a solid five minutes we stood facing each other, he alternately eating and staring, me alternately slapping mosquitoes from my legs and staring.

Finally, as the bugs began to overwhelm me, the buck turned and retreated into the marsh, snorting along the way like he was plaqued by asthma.

And I turned the other way, as well, and headed back toward home, still scared but a little less so.

Posted by Aaron on June 20, 2005 4:32 PM