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Monday, November 7, 2005

So Glad it’s Monday

Sometimes I pretend I’m an actor playing the role of something I’m naturally not: An extrovert. I can occasionally and for short intense bursts of time play this role very well, worthy of an Oscar almost. Only the most astute observer will notice that the bathroom breaks I take during these extroverted scenes are not because duty calls but because I need to breathe for just a couple of minutes.

Actually, even the most astute observer wouldn’t notice this trick unless they are observing my bathroom breaks. Which, I assure you, they are not.

Usually I don this role because I feel there is a lack of social lubrication in the room. Like when there are uncomfortable silences that no one else fills. Like when different circles of my world collide and no one quite knows how to handle it. There is a simple recipe for creating these awkward situations. Because I’m generous, I’ll share it with you:

  • 1 cup visit from ex-boyfriend who normally lives out of town and has nowhere to stay except my apartment
  • 1 cup unwillingness on my part to sleep on the couch
  • 1 cup refusal to make ex-boyfriend (now good friend) sleep on the couch
  • 1 cup current love interest who is not immune to jealousy (understandable)
  • 2 cups friends (often flirtatious friends)
  • 2 gallons strong opinions
  • Alcohol to taste

Pour the above ingredients into a large used Rubbermaid container, cover container and shake rapidly for the length of one late-night infomercial.

There you have it: The World’s Best Socially Awkward Situation.

I’m proud to say that, this past weekend, I perfected this recipe. Today, I’ve received multiple e-mails with comments like, “You were wasted on Saturday! How did you feel on Sunday?”

Sadly, I was not wasted. I was simply playing the role of an extroverted, want-everyone-to-love-each-other social lubricator in awkward situations exacerbated by loose tongues and jealousies intensified by gin and tonics. Thank you for the applause, it’s Monday and all relationships are still intact. Now please point me to the nearest bathroom. Either I need a break to breathe or this recipe is hell on my innards.

Posted by Aaron on November 7, 2005 4:10 PM

Comments:

Hey, you survived to tell the story. We have all been there at one point or another. That is a horrible feeling though when worlds collide and you feel obligated to smooth the tension. Go ahead and take the extra time for yourself, no one will notice.

Matt S.
November 7, 2005 4:36 PM

Oh shades of your mother (who was dealing with similar feelings this week-end at a couple of social functions!) Yet, everyone laughs when I say I'm an introvert. I guess after awhile the acting becomes a part of a behavior pattern and personality. Probably it's part of being a balanced person, but it's sometimes almost painful. I just retreat into a good book or a long nap to recoup and regroup (as you have probably noticed).

(PS:Who's the love interest??)

Sandra
November 7, 2005 4:56 PM

Yes, whoooooooooo is the love interest? Inquiring minds need to know.

SparklesMpls
November 7, 2005 5:09 PM

My friend Wanda (who is a wonderful mature woman and a power totally unto herself) used to say that the most wonderful fun in the world was having a get together and inviting several different groups of her friends who had never met and may or may not have anything in common. Then she would sit back with a drink and watch the fireworks.

Here's to having fun through a little fireworks. :)

John
November 8, 2005 9:41 AM

Well written and very true.
Combining groups can be challenging and painful at times. You can never make everyone happy, as hard as one tries. All you can do is hope that all relationships are strong enough to surrive these trying times...and I think yours are.

"The love interest"
November 8, 2005 9:51 AM

Oh dag! That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. But it also sounds like you handled the situation quite well. If I could act, even just for a second, I think I'd try the role of an extrovert. Just so I can see what the big hype is about.

Steven
November 8, 2005 10:30 AM

Man... you sure know how to mix things up, don't you? Can't say I am sad I missed it but, on the other hand, I am definitely glad that you are still alive and kicking!

p.s. make sure you do what is right for you.

A2
November 9, 2005 1:43 AM

I, like John's friend Wanda, love mixing groups and individuals together to watch the fireworks and sparks fly as the night unfolds. Most times [mind you most times] people mix together as deliciously as Ice, Lime, Gold tequila, Rose's sweetened lime juice, Triple sec, & Orange Curacao to make the perfect margaretta [how did i know that off the top of my head...hmmmm]. However, every so often someone shows up like a shot of jagermeister on a night when you just don't need one more shot, er um, I mean drink. ;-)

So even though you had a jager or two in the mix of your margaretta's, it sounds like everyone drank their water, took a few asprin and vitamin b's so as to ensure no hangovers the next day.

Cheers!

!!!!!!!
November 9, 2005 11:07 PM