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Monday, July 17, 2006

Animal Farm

While I love my new apartment, lately I’ve been fighting with the animals over who gets to inhabit this space. Last Friday when I came home from work I noticed a hole chewed in the side of my air conditioner — more specifically in the screen that closes the gap between my a/c window unit and the window sill. It was a hole perfectly sized for a squirrel, with teethmarks that matched and one perfectly squirrel-sized poop on the inside of my window sill. Which meant one thing — it not only chewed a hole in my a/c, but it also came inside my apartment.

I slowly looked under my couch, under my bed and in all the closets, fully expecting a chattering and rabid squirrel to attack my face like it attacked that plastic screen. But nothing appeared.

The only thing could think of to cover the hole in my air conditioner (which, by the way, was purchased not even two months ago) was a plastic bag. From Target, of course. So I taped it up and forgot about it.

Fast forward to next week. It’s morning and I’m running out the door to the bus, only to see it drive by just as I hit the sidewalk. I could drive, but decide to save myself $8 and just wait for the next bus. As I open the door to my apartment, I heard a noise coming from my air conditioner. A rustling-slash-biting noise. As I look over, I see a squirrel’s head looking around a Target bag and scoping out my apartment.

I rush at it with my briefcase over my head, but it’s too fast. The plastic bag is shredded, the hole in my air conditioner is bigger and there’s a couple of small sticks in the window sill.

Since a plastic bag obviously wasn’t enough of a deterrent, the next best thing I could find to cover the hole was a hardcover copy of Hemingway’s “The Sun Also Rises” and a small box of wine for reinforcement. (Yes, box of wine. I’m cheap.) So far, for the past two weeks, that arrangement has worked. I’m believing that the power of Hemingway’s terse prose and descriptive powers are intimidating to small rodents.

Posted by Aaron on July 17, 2006 10:15 PM