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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Hopefully

The Twin Cities Pride celebrations were almost three weeks ago. I had planned to go to three parties, one wedding and to volunteer at the Target booth. Instead, after a phone call from my dad, I drove five hours to Milwaukee, took a boat two hours to Michigan and drove another two hours to my parents’ house so that I could be home for my grandmother’s funeral. That’s another story I haven’t yet figured out how to tell.

I missed the Pride celebrations this year, but who cares, right? Isn’t Pride done with, an unnecessary relic of years when the gay community wasn’t as accepted as it is now?

Today I heard that one of my softball teammates moved home to Seattle this week. After finding out that he’s gay, his parents pulled him from college in North Dakota and forced him to move home to enroll in a Lutheran college. His car and belongings are still here in the Twin Cities; they didn’t give him time to pack.

Earlier this season another teammate’s father Googled our team name and found that we play in a gay league. My teammate had to tell his parents he quit the team, or faced having all support withdrawn.

It’s easy to become comfortable in our lives of parties and weddings and forget that there are people who face immense pressure to stay in the closet and are constantly told that who they are is sinful, and whose idea of love mandates that they meet certain expectations that aren’t in-line with who they feel they are. In other words, “I am only lovable if I am straight. But trying to be straight doesn’t work.”

Shame is a powerful thing, especially from a parent to a child. Some people choose, though, to deal with the shame of their family and come out and seek happiness and love from their peers. Others deny themselves to try and live up to the expectations of their family. Still others try to do both – leading to double lives.

And then we sit around and wonder why these same people drink too much or are obsessed with physical perfection or lie about odd things in their life or have trouble accepting friendship. The choices we face are sometimes not easy. They are terribly difficult and they are tough to overcome.

So maybe for some people Pride celebrations are relics from the past. Good for them. Hopefully, though, for other people it’s a show of support and mass confirmation that it’s possible to be gay, happy, balanced, successful, and loved. All at the same time. Hopefully… and this is a big hopefully… Hopefully we can provide a community where people feel at home, no matter who they are.

Posted by Aaron on July 11, 2006 3:01 PM